Jasmine'S STORY: When Love is Not Enough
Post Adoption Services
When Ana* adopted Jasmine, she was eager to surround her baby daughter with love. Ana had already raised two children as a single mom and had fostered many more. Yet, she never could have anticipated just how painful the road ahead would be.
The first three months of Jasmine’s life had been traumatic. Instead of being welcomed into a safe and nurturing environment as an infant, she was introduced to pain and harm. Looking back, Ana reflected, “Like many other adoptive parents, I thought that I could ‘love it out of her.’ But I soon realized that love is just not enough.”
As Jasmine grew, she struggled with fear, outbursts of anger, and dangerous behaviors. Ana was frustrated and confused. She was disconnected from Jasmine, and she didn’t know how to reach her. As a kid, Jasmine would earnestly tell her mom that she regretted her decisions. But, she still couldn’t seem to shake her unhealthy responses to things that triggered her. Seeking help, Ana secured some social services for her, but nothing made a difference.
When Jasmine was in fourth grade, a serious incident occurred that left both mother and daughter desperate for counsel and help. Ana was angry and afraid. She said, “I was isolated. I just felt like I was in a dark tunnel.” She didn’t know where to turn.
Then, Ana discovered Bethany’s Post-Adoption Services, which are free to Pennsylvania residents. She still remembers their first conversation with their counselor, Sarah. Ana said, “We had common ground. She knew where I was coming from, because she was an adoptive mom herself, and a fellow believer."
Sarah helped Ana understand the far-reaching impact of Jasmine’s trauma. Ana began to discover how seriously her daughter had been hurt as an infant, and she began to see Jasmine’s behaviors as coping mechanisms rather than personal attacks.
As they continued to meet, Sarah helped Jasmine make sense of her internal battles. Sarah showed Jasmine how to draw diagrams of her emotions and helped her explore her feelings through play therapy. Ana said, “She really liked Miss (Sarah), because she was always very non-judgmental with her.”
Bethany’s Post Adoption Services also helped Jasmine discover some of her God-given gifts. Bethany’s team connected Jasmine with a week-long summer art camp – arranging to have the costs fully covered by PA’s State-Wide Adoption Network. Ana expected that the camp would give her and her daughter a much-needed change of pace, and it did. But something caught her off guard. Jasmine surprised her mom by bringing home beautiful works of art! Ana said, “Did your teacher help you with this?” She was amazed to discover that Jasmine had made the art herself.
After the art camp, Jasmine continued to struggle with unhealthy behaviors. But, through Sarah’s support, Ana was equipped to respond with steady guidance instead of frustration. “At first, I thought it was being insincere not to show all my feelings, because I wanted (Jasmine) to understand. But I had to learn that that wasn’t working.” Ana began to give herself space to decompress after incidents, so that she could respond to Jasmine calmly.
Ana began to see more situations from Jasmine’s perspective. Sarah encouraged her to ask Jasmine questions instead of immediately responding with correction. Ana said, “It helped us to have real conversations. (Jasmine) would begin explaining some of her reasoning behind the things she did.”
Today, it’s been over six years since Jasmine and Ana received Post-Adoption Services through Bethany. Their road has never been easy. Jasmine is still fighting the effects of her trauma and working to develop healthier responses to the things that trigger he fears. She’s also discovering more of her own talents. She’s still drawing, and she’s even begun writing poetry. “She wrote a poem when my mother passed, and it brought tears to all our eyes,” said Ana. Ana continues to guide her daughter, taking the challenges as they come and focusing on Jasmine’s strengths.
Ana wants other adoptive families to know that they’re not alone. Childhood trauma causes great harm, but there are resources available that can bring children significant levels of healing. Looking back on the counseling and support that she and Jasmine received six years ago, Ana said, “Bethany’s services definitely made a difference. They were invaluable to us.”
*names changed
The first three months of Jasmine’s life had been traumatic. Instead of being welcomed into a safe and nurturing environment as an infant, she was introduced to pain and harm. Looking back, Ana reflected, “Like many other adoptive parents, I thought that I could ‘love it out of her.’ But I soon realized that love is just not enough.”
As Jasmine grew, she struggled with fear, outbursts of anger, and dangerous behaviors. Ana was frustrated and confused. She was disconnected from Jasmine, and she didn’t know how to reach her. As a kid, Jasmine would earnestly tell her mom that she regretted her decisions. But, she still couldn’t seem to shake her unhealthy responses to things that triggered her. Seeking help, Ana secured some social services for her, but nothing made a difference.
When Jasmine was in fourth grade, a serious incident occurred that left both mother and daughter desperate for counsel and help. Ana was angry and afraid. She said, “I was isolated. I just felt like I was in a dark tunnel.” She didn’t know where to turn.
Then, Ana discovered Bethany’s Post-Adoption Services, which are free to Pennsylvania residents. She still remembers their first conversation with their counselor, Sarah. Ana said, “We had common ground. She knew where I was coming from, because she was an adoptive mom herself, and a fellow believer."
Sarah helped Ana understand the far-reaching impact of Jasmine’s trauma. Ana began to discover how seriously her daughter had been hurt as an infant, and she began to see Jasmine’s behaviors as coping mechanisms rather than personal attacks.
As they continued to meet, Sarah helped Jasmine make sense of her internal battles. Sarah showed Jasmine how to draw diagrams of her emotions and helped her explore her feelings through play therapy. Ana said, “She really liked Miss (Sarah), because she was always very non-judgmental with her.”
Bethany’s Post Adoption Services also helped Jasmine discover some of her God-given gifts. Bethany’s team connected Jasmine with a week-long summer art camp – arranging to have the costs fully covered by PA’s State-Wide Adoption Network. Ana expected that the camp would give her and her daughter a much-needed change of pace, and it did. But something caught her off guard. Jasmine surprised her mom by bringing home beautiful works of art! Ana said, “Did your teacher help you with this?” She was amazed to discover that Jasmine had made the art herself.
After the art camp, Jasmine continued to struggle with unhealthy behaviors. But, through Sarah’s support, Ana was equipped to respond with steady guidance instead of frustration. “At first, I thought it was being insincere not to show all my feelings, because I wanted (Jasmine) to understand. But I had to learn that that wasn’t working.” Ana began to give herself space to decompress after incidents, so that she could respond to Jasmine calmly.
Ana began to see more situations from Jasmine’s perspective. Sarah encouraged her to ask Jasmine questions instead of immediately responding with correction. Ana said, “It helped us to have real conversations. (Jasmine) would begin explaining some of her reasoning behind the things she did.”
Today, it’s been over six years since Jasmine and Ana received Post-Adoption Services through Bethany. Their road has never been easy. Jasmine is still fighting the effects of her trauma and working to develop healthier responses to the things that trigger he fears. She’s also discovering more of her own talents. She’s still drawing, and she’s even begun writing poetry. “She wrote a poem when my mother passed, and it brought tears to all our eyes,” said Ana. Ana continues to guide her daughter, taking the challenges as they come and focusing on Jasmine’s strengths.
Ana wants other adoptive families to know that they’re not alone. Childhood trauma causes great harm, but there are resources available that can bring children significant levels of healing. Looking back on the counseling and support that she and Jasmine received six years ago, Ana said, “Bethany’s services definitely made a difference. They were invaluable to us.”
*names changed
THANK YOU for giving hope to families like Ana and Jasmine's!
